Sorry for lack of action in past week. I have been ill with flu and feeling v sorry for myself. I even bought a digital thermometer which I have become obsessed with – taking my temperature (under my tongue, not rectally like the leaflet suggests) every five minutes or so to see if I was any closer to death.

If anyone else asks ‘Did you have the flu jab?’ I will cough little bits of lung all over them. YES I did, but apparently we were all injected with the wrong strain of flu this year, or something.

Anyway, it looks like I’m going to pull through. I came into work on the bus today, opening up the window above my seat on the 94, only for a man to reach right across me five seconds later and snap the window closed again. I spent the remainder of my journey coughing very deliberately in his direction.