A thing about Brexit

We’re just over a week away from the referendum so I thought I’d wade into the Brexit debate with my own list of reasons for and against. Serious, heavyweight arguments. None of the frivolous crap the politicians keep banging on about.

My arguments for Remain:

  1. I quite like French and Spanish wine.
  2. I quite like French and Spanish cheeses. Especially manchego.
  3. Carambars.
  4. Europe has beaches with sand instead of beaches with pebbles and flint.
  5. At many airports, the ‘EU Passport holders’ queue generally moves slightly faster than ‘All other nationalities’ bit.


My arguments for Leave:

  1. They have different plug sockets in Europe and, over the course of my lifetime, I estimate that I have spent a six-figure sum on buying universal plug adapters at the airport.
  2. They have a preposterously casual attitude towards their children’s bedtimes.
  3. Their music. Have you ever tried to find a decent radio station while driving a hire car over there? Exactly. It’s a deathly, Eurovision vortex. Abba was the high point and it’s been downhill since then.
  4. Their milk. It goes off seconds after you leave the supermarket and always tastes faintly of melon. Switzerland may be the exception to this (cows), but I still wouldn’t risk it.
  5. They have big spiders in Europe, as documented HERE. I received an email from a Greek cousin last week explaining the spider epidemic there – ‘This is a heavenly year for spiders in the Cyclades, and possibly Greece in total, attributed – my scientific explanation – to the lack of rain during the winter,’ she said. So I’m probably not returning to Greece until they’ve had some sort of biblical flood.
  6. France’s weird insistence on all men wearing Speedos. Sick.


So there we have it. Five reasons for Remain, six for Leave. Plus, my Remain arguments are largely food and drink-based, so as I’m the greediest person I know I’ll probably be voting IN.