I don’t mean to boast, but I’m about to give you a tip that will revolutionize your life. Ready? Find a Sharpie pen and write your initials on your phone charger.

I have no doubt that your family is a thoroughly upstanding bunch, but, equally, if they’re anything like mine then the past few days will have been punctuated with bloodcurdling cries about missing phone chargers.  ‘WHO’S TAKEN MY CHARGER I’M ONLY ON THREE PER CENT’ etc etc. Quiz certain members of your family about this, however, and you will be met with a mysterious silence. A sort of middle-class omertà.

And then, when you’ve spent five hours sifting through bedrooms looking for your charger, you will discover what you suspect is yours plugged in underneath a bedside table, only for one of your bastard, lying family members to say casually ‘Oh no, that’s my charger actually. Honest.’ Which is where the Sharpie comes in. INDELIBLE INK, you gits. Try and talk your way out of that one.

Belated Happy Christmas, everyone.