You probably haven’t noticed that there’s a new Bond film out, what with all the newspaper adverts, endless magazine articles and buses trundling around London with Daniel Craig looking sulky all over them.

But anyway, there is and it’s called Spectre. I saw it last night thanks to Aston Martin, who v kindly invited a load of people to a screening in the West End. The security was tighter than Daniel Craig’s suit trousers, and we all had to check our phones into little, labelled plastic bags before even entering the screening room. But that was alright because once inside there were waiters in black tie doling out glasses of Bollinger.

I can report that it is EXCELLENT. The first Bond ever, I think, which I understood the whole way through. And I was mesmerised by Lea Seydoux’s lips, which I would quite like to trampoline on.

 

My only gripe is a line where Bond says ‘toilet’ when I’m pretty sure he meant ‘loo’. But I do that sometimes in restaurants too, when I get a bit embarrassed about sounding like a honking chin. So he probably did it on purpose.