Embarrassing times today. I was pottering about at home, and decided to finally try and get my TV/Sky working. I moved in two months ago and STILL I am living in a sea of cardboard boxes and dust while builders toil slowly around me. Wars/games of American football have been won in less time.

So I unwrap my TV, fish out the Sky box, and then spend 4732 hours looking for required leads and cables for the Sky box which obviously haven’t been packed together because that would be no fun. I then spend a further 822 hours looking for the remote controls, and then another few hours looking for batteries. Such larks.

Anyway, I then decided that the satellite leads looked a bit dangerous. They had funny little metal spikes sticking out of them. Could they electrocute me? They probably could. I wasn’t in the mood to be electrocuted, so I called on a nifty new app called Bizzby, which sends out charming handymen/electricians/plumbers to do whatever you need for about £40 a hour. Dwayne arrives 45 minutes later, takes one look at the ‘dangerous’ cables and pops them straight into the back of my Sky box. They are apparently not at all dangerous. That is just what they look like.

Naturally, I duly spend a further hour on the phone booking a Sky engineer for roughly eight months’ time because there are various problems with the Sky box which are beyond even Dwayne’s powers. But, point being, Bizzby is INCREDIBLY speedy and not totally bankrupting like certain plumbing companies we can all think of.

Also, apparently Dwayne went to Chelsea recently having been called out by a Chinese chap to change a lightbulb. I felt much better after hearing that.