Made in Chelsea LA Special Episode 5 – a lacklustre effort…

A confession: I didn’t watch this week’s episode because I am away, again, and Corfu is a blissful island that appears to be relatively untroubled by MIC. Although I happen to know that Caggie – remember her? The blonde with the lips? – has been kicking about the tavernas on holiday here this week so sadly even Greece isn’t entirely safe.

Sorry, I know it’s feeble of me. But I did try (a bit) to find somewhere to watch it, and then I drank glass of wine after glass of wine and I ate some wonderfully fresh tuna carpaccio and a rocket salad for supper, watching the sun set over the olive trees, and it was AWFULLY hard to care about whatever JP and Binky were up to after that.

Anyway, apparently they were up to more of them same. Namely bickering about whether to actually get it on or not. And then Binky plucked up the courage to ask JP out and he said no and then he sort of changed his mind and she then fled the country (bit dramatic, that?). And so on and so on. Can we say that’s IT now, producers? Definitively, absolutely, positively, let’s say that both JP and Binky are going to try REALLY hard to find someone else on this planet of seven billion people so we don’t have to sit through any more of this nonsense.

And while we’re at it, can we say the same for Jamie and Jess? By all accounts, they were also still boring on about their non-relationship this week, presumably while *accidentally* slipping and falling into bed with one another. They should all get proper jobs, the sort of jobs where you’re sent to Corfu, for example, and then they wouldn’t have time to worry so much about their love lives because they’d be too busy drinking lots of lovely retsina.

The big news of the week – kind of – is that Ollie Locke has returned. You know, the one with long hair who wrote the book ‘Laid in Chelsea: My Life Uncovered.’ Clearly, having narrowly missed out on the Booker Prize, he wants back into the publicity game. ‘I’m superproud to be home!!!’ he tweeted last night, before promising that there’s ‘far more’ of him in the next series. That’s series 10. SERIES 10. With one more episode of this LA Unspecial to go, I’ve just worked out that I’ve watched 105 hours of this drivel, which has made me a) a bit sad and b) a bit thirsty. So if you want me, I’ll be nailing ouzo on the beach.