HELLO friends, this is me. Wilkommen, bienvenue etc to my site. I think it’s a bit narcissistic and vain to have your own website, but I said this to a friend and she got cross with me. ‘Get an actual grip, this is the 21st century,’ she wrote in an email, ‘What are you? 900 years old?’

I am not 900 years old. I am 32. So I pulled myself together and THIS place is the result. A few Instagrams, a few Tweets, some brain farts about this and that. Have a gander. I’m going to keep it updated with fresh witterings appearing right at the top so you don’t have to scroll through everything.

I always wanted to write and I’m grateful every single day that I get to make terrible jokes for a living. My first job in 2006 was on the Evening Standard’s features desk where I wrote about things like the maple syrup diet, taking the study drug Ritalin, doing four hours of cardio a day to exercise like Madonna for a week and accidentally travelling to Amsterdam on my brother’s passport.

But after two years, having been at university in London, I wanted to escape the city. So I went to work for a new newspaper in Abu Dhabi (near Dubai, for the geographically-challenged among us) called The National. I was in the Gulf for another two years. I wrote about its growing art, film and fashion scene, about nearly vomitting over myself after being sent up in a Red Bull plane and I interviewed a Backstreet boy on the phone while sitting naked on my bed. I think it was Brian.

Then, back home to London to work for the Daily Mail’s features desk. I wasn’t a writer there, I was an editor. During the two years I worked for the paper, my favourite headlines were: ‘Is your shampoo making you fat?’ and ‘THE DOWNSIDE TO BEATING CANCER.’ I promise you, both genuine headlines.

Next, I went to work as Features Director at Tatler for five years, where I wrote pieces with headlines like ‘Would you send your son to a prostitute?’ and ‘Threesomes – are they as much fun as they sound?’

And now I’m sitting writing this in my favourite coffee shop in West London, just round the corner from my flat, because I’ve become a freelance writer and I have a novel coming out. Called The Plus One, it’s published in August and you can find more about it HERE. I also write a weekly column for The Sunday Telegraph called Modern Manners in which I ask big questions like ‘How posh are your wellington boots?’ and ‘Should Kate Middleton really be wearing tracksuit bottoms?’

To commission me to write or to chat about about, well, anything really, just drop me a line on [email protected]

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