I am not here…

23rd March 2016

Out of office is on, I am off to Spain to eat manchego solidly for five days. HAPPY EASTER Y’ALL.

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I unbox my new novel, The Right Place, with a litt

I unbox my new novel, The Right Place, with a little help from my furry friend. What can I say, he’s a reader. Out THREE WEEKS TOMORROW 🐶📚

I genuinely didn’t set this up. What happened wa

I genuinely didn’t set this up. What happened was, a couple of weeks ago, I was sent a few copies of my new book and put one down for a single second whereupon Dennis started chewing it. Nothing is safe in this house anymore. That might also have been the morning he ate two foam earplugs. Anyway, let’s not worry about the earplugs. Point being, my new book - THE RIGHT PLACE - is out a month today and if you fancy an escape to Provence then here you jolly well go. Maggie learns she’s inherited a sort of French Fawlty Towers at the start of the book, so out she flies to Provence and various capers follow. I’ve also included some of the French chateau picture refs we used for cover inspiration, in case they help, because obviously it’s raining again here. OUT IN A MONTH OK?

Absolute classic in the @telegraph today. Poor old

Absolute classic in the @telegraph today. Poor old Alan. Can anyone help?

Jacob Rees-Mogg is starring in a new fly-on-the-wa

Jacob Rees-Mogg is starring in a new fly-on-the-wall documentary. And since I was in one of those a few years ago (‘pointless documentary about a vanishing breed’ says the lone IMDB review), I thought I’d offer him a few tips in my Substack today. Link in stories.

Dennis is nervous because we’re quite a marginal

Dennis is nervous because we’re quite a marginal seat

HAHA big thank you to @l_maeve for alerting me to

HAHA big thank you to @l_maeve for alerting me to the juxtaposition of these headlines today…

Dennis has landed and he’s in my Substack today,

Dennis has landed and he’s in my Substack today, along with a worried discussion about whether my French and/or American accents for The Right Place will get me cancelled, a book recommendation, discussion of the very brilliant James Blunt documentary and a mad rant about parking apps. Link in stories etc.

I mean never say *never*, but I’m just taking a

I mean never say *never*, but I’m just taking a little break. My Substack in the @thetimes today. The Right Place, my new novel about a Fawlty Towers-esque chateau in France, is out in 7(ish) WEEKS. On NO ACCOUNT order the audio version because I’ve been doing the accents in the studio this week and I’ll probably get cancelled (again)

Wrote a rude column about his Birkenstocks the oth

Wrote a rude column about his Birkenstocks the other day and he wisely ignored it 💙

And in tomorrow’s @youmagazine I interview the i

And in tomorrow’s @youmagazine I interview the incredibly impressive and wonderful @juliusroberts on his farm, where we talked goats, the right amount of butter on toast, and his hero, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. And then a VERY weird coincidence happened on the train platform as I waited to come back…

Also my @telegraph col on the ENORMOUS JOY that wa

Also my @telegraph col on the ENORMOUS JOY that was @goodwoofdogs 🐶🐶🐶

Polo’s having a moment, so I chat stick and ball

Polo’s having a moment, so I chat stick and balling in the @thetimesmagazine today with the very charming @malcolmborwick. Plus a bonus pic of the Tatler cover mentioned in the piece, potentially my favourite ever cover. THANK YOU @mark_harrison_photography for the pics 😉😉😉

Chelsea Flower Show yesterday. It was GLORIOUS. Ha

Chelsea Flower Show yesterday. It was GLORIOUS. Have written all about it in the old newsletter. Link in stories…🌷🌷🌷

Have written about Royal warrants in my newsletter

Have written about Royal warrants in my newsletter today - Royal umbrella makers, Royal glove makers etc - because VERY THRILLINGLY (for some) the new ones have been announced. Also the sunshine was nice, wasn’t it? PLUS are there aliens living in the sinkhole that’s opened up on my road?? Link in stories and so on and so on.

My newsletter on the front page! Thank you Queen @

My newsletter on the front page! Thank you Queen @nicola_jeal

Have excelled myself on the graphics front today b

Have excelled myself on the graphics front today by writing about a shoplifting incident and somehow illustrating it with a picture of this Christmas tree??? Anyway, this week’s Substack out now with full shoplifting drama AND (separately) the *slightly eccentric* b&b where I discovered this Christmas tree last weekend…

Ta daaaaaaa!! Delighted to reveal the actual cover

Ta daaaaaaa!! Delighted to reveal the actual cover for The Right Place, out in THREE MONTHS. Think Fawlty Towers meets The White Lotus - a dilapidated French hotel, a mysterious American guest, a terribly English husband called Mungo and a couple of donkeys for good measure. Also FOOD. Its heroine Maggie is a chef, so there are croissants and vanilla brioche and saucisson and beef bourguignon and moules and rosé and fromage and lavender and honey ice cream etc etc ETC. I so hope it makes you LAUGH, and maybe dribble a bit. Coming to your eyes and ears (if you fancy listening to me read it; quite nervous about the French accents) on 18 JULY 🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐

Me in my very practical dog walking clothes in @th

Me in my very practical dog walking clothes in @thetimesmagazine today, discussing the big question…🐶🐾

Ooooooh this is v lovely news. Looking Out For Lov

Ooooooh this is v lovely news. Looking Out For Love is a FINALIST for the RNAs 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Mum’s dog Beano, five years ago, after we picked

Mum’s dog Beano, five years ago, after we picked him up from a *slightly* dodgy breeder in Manchester. Have written my Substack today about that dramatic trip north, getting my own dog and whether I should adopt or shop??? Link in bio etc etc ETC 🐶🐾

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