An ex-boyfriend of mine, an American, used to claim that Halloween was his ‘favourite holiday’. ‘IT’S NOT EVEN A HOLIDAY,’ I never said, because I was younger and much more tolerant then.

These days, I find the collective hysteria over Halloween even more extraordinary. Endless Instagram pictures of shit pumpkins, people thinking novelty wigs are amusing and the BARKING MAD trend for slutty Halloween costumes.

Because Cecil the Lion was so sexy, right?

 

To be fair, corn on the cob IS hot.

 

Phwoaaaarrrrr, Donald Trump you sexy man beast.

 

No, I’m sorry. I draw the line at Sexy Olaf.