I am roughly 37 columns behind on here SORRY. I finished writing my new book and decided to fully embrace December by going to carol services, Christmas parties, Christmas shopping, various exhibitions that I’ve missed while in Norfolk and so on and so on. As a result, I am now 86 per cent pub Malbec and 14 per cent crisps. I went to the heath food shop last week to buy some multivitamins because one little yellow pill a day will definitely cancel out all the pigs-in-blankets.

HERE’S a link to my Standard column from last week and HERE is a link to a festive piece I wrote for the Tel on Sat where I am pulling some very strange faces. Oh and if anyone needs a book atm, I just finished Alain de Botton’s The Course of Love which came out three years ago but I only just caught up with and liked very much. A very brilliant and realistic novel about marriage which should be compulsory reading for anyone not married, anyone who is married, anyone contemplating getting married, anyone getting divorced etc. India Knight’s v good column in the Sunday Times mag yesterday addressed the topic of Divorce Day (the first Monday back in January, when searches for divorce lawyers online supposedly spike because we all go back to work and think ‘Christ, I’m never doing that again’), but if that is you this book might help.